Monday, August 1, 2011

Things I Shouldn't Have to Say

There are some times when something comes out of my mouth and I think, "I can't believe I just had to say that!"  I know you parents can relate (at least I hope you can).  Several years ago I decided that I was going to write a book of these things and I would call it, "We Don't Put Pliers on Our Penis."  Yes, I really did say that once (luckily I only had to say it once).  Since I don't think I'm ever going to have time to write that book, I figured a blog post would suffice.  Here are a few things I've found myself saying just this week that I really shouldn't have to say.

1.  Don't ride the dog.
2.  Stop chasing the monkeys.
3.  Only one kid should be peeing at a time. (I have to say this way too often.  Do all boys find excitement in peeing in tandem?)
4.  I can't blame the dog for scratching you.  You shouldn't be rubbing her nipples.
5.  Yes, I know there is a hole in your underwear, but it is supposed to be there. 

If you've said anything that you shouldn't have to say to someone lately, please leave a comment so I can get a laugh out of it as well!


  1. We don't eat poop. (I really had to say this to Sawyer when he was almost 2 and ate poop at our friend's house. We still don't know where the poop came from and I brushed his teeth over and over again. Disgusting!)

  2. Some of my favorites: (usually to my interns)
    - "Please take your fingers out of there."
    - "Don't put the baby on the mayo stand. That's where the sharp objects are."
    -"We need the patient's permission to do the surgery."
    - "If the patient is pregnant, she can stop her birth control."
    - "if the patient is pregnant, she is SUPPOSED to miss her period."

  3. Let's see...(all since I've been in Congo)

    "Your infertility, dysparunia, and dysmenorrhea come from having put 3 inch bottle cap in your vagina and left it there for 3 years"

    "She drank beer ONLY DURING her pregnancy?"

    "The medicines ONLY WORK if you give/take them" (to nurses and patients)

    "His O2 sat is 75% on room air? Is he on oxygen? No? Please put him on O2 right now." (But he's got an IV with fluids running, two blood tests, but still no O2-mind you there is only 1 nurse to do all this).

    "I think your fertility problems come from you having breast fed your husband for the last 15 months."

    "Putting manure on your child's fontanelle is NOT going to make it close faster."

  4. Regarding #3, Erik and I had a name for that...