Doubts

Lately, I have been having doubts.  I've doubted whether or not I could really do this.  I'm not exactly the adventuring type - I don't even like to go on vacation.  Why would I go to Kenya?  I'm not really good with people - there are days that I don't even like people.  How am I going to do life and ministry with people from a different culture?  After 35 years of practice I've still not completely mastered English - how will I be able to learn Swahili?  Life here is comfortable and we are happy - why are we packing up our family and moving to Africa?  The list of doubts goes on and on and the journey ahead seems really hard and a little bit crazy.

Today at Bible study the teacher talked about how Lazarus had been dead and in a tomb for four days when Jesus finally came and instructed him to "Come forth" and Lazarus got up and came forth!  Our Bible study teacher pointed out that since Lazarus was dead he had no power of his own to come forth.  Lazarus didn't do anything special nor did he possess special skills that allowed him to conquer death.  Lazarus rose from the dead because his Lord called him and told him to do it.  It was the power of Jesus' call to Lazarus that allowed him to rise from the dead.

I've known that I need Christ in me to do what God has called me to do, but in my mind I thought it was Jesus + me.  Christ alone gave Lazarus life!  It wasn't Jesus + Lazarus.  It was Jesus alone.

Right now I'm feeling a lot like dead man Lazarus.  I don't have much to offer and don't really know what I'm doing or how I'm going to do it.  But today I'm leaning hard on the God who has called us to Kenya and trusting that the very same God who breathed life into ordinary Lazarus' dead corpse will accomplish His purposes in and through our ordinary lives.  I'm trusting that with God's call comes His provision and His power!

I may need some of you to remind me of this a few months down the road when I'm in the throes of culture shock and wondering how I will survive.